Capital Chili

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"CAPITAL PUNISHMENT" CHILI

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    This recipe for Chili has been introduced into the New York State Legislature, as an alternative means to lethal injection – the prisoner's last meal is the means by which he is executed. In this manner, there is no need for complicated hookups, and the condemned gets to enjoy the means of his demise.

    Makes 1 (large) pot. Obviously, this is NOT a backpacker's meal, unless you want to prepare it at home, and pack it in frozen.


INGREDIENTS (for 15 hungry people):

[] 1 Tbs. Oregano.
[] 2 Tbs. Paprika.
[] 2 Tbs. MSG (monosodium glutamate).
[] 9 Tbs. Chili powder, light.
[] 4 Tbs. Cumin.
[] 4 Tbs. Beef bouillon (instant, crushed).
[] 24 oz. Lowenbrau™ (or your favorite) beer.
[] 2 Cups Water.
[] 4 lb. Extra lean chuck, chili grind.
[] 2 lb. Extra lean pork, chili grind.
[] 1 lb. Extra lean chuck, cut into 1/4" cubes.
[] 2 Large onions, finely chopped.
[] 10 Cloves garlic, finely chopped.
[] 1/2 Cup Wesson™ oil or kidney suet.
[] 1 Tsp. Mole (powdered), (also called Mole Poblano).
[] 1 Tbs. Sugar.
[] 1 Tsp. Coriander seed (from Chinese parsley, cilantro).
[] 1 Tsp. Louisiana Red Hot Sauce (Durkee's™) or Tabasco™ (Dave’s Insanity™ sauce – if you can find it).
[] 8 oz Tomato sauce.
[] 1 Tbs. Masa Harina flour (salt to taste).

PREPARATION:
[] In a large pot, add paprika, oregano, MSG, chili powder, cumin, beef bouillon, beer and 2 cups water. Let simmer.
[] In a separate skillet, brown meat in 1 lb. or 1 1/2 lb. batches with Wesson™ oil or suet. Drain and add to simmering spices. Continue until all meat is done.
[] Sauté chopped onion and garlic in 1 Tbs. of oil or suet.
[] Add spices and meat mixture. Add water as needed.
[] Simmer for 2 hours.
[] Add mole, sugar, coriander seed, hot sauce and tomato sauce.
[] Simmer slowly for 45 minutes.
[] Dissolve Masa Harina flour in warm water to form a paste. Add to chili.
[] Simmer for 30 minutes.
[] Add additional Louisiana Hot Sauce (or Tabasco™) for hotter taste.

NOTE: You will note that I use BEER in this recipe, despite my admonitions about the use of alcoholic beverages. In this case, dispensation is given, because the alcohol will evaporate off during the cooking. You may substitute a non-alcoholic beer such as O'Doul's™ with no deleterious effect.

Note: (If you substitute ZIMA™, have a stomach pump handy).
 

۩۩۩۩۩۩۩۩۩۩۩۩۩۩

If you REALLY want a treat, try Bubba Burgers - Top your Burger with this chili and you'll have a meal worth remembering.


 

 

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