Today is Feb 2, 2011
Of course if you're reading
this AFTER I wrote it (and emailed it to a bunch of my friends), chances
are that today is NOT Feb 2, 2011, which is irrelevant, and you should
read it anyway; that is, if you want to laugh a bit.... and the Italians
have a saying: "Laughter is better than
a root canal is
better than psychiatry.
Well, anyway, on my way to the
WaWa (a convenience store)
this morning to get a breakfast sandwich and a pack of cigarettes, today
being a better day weather-wise than yesterday, I decided to take my new
for a walk with my two dogs...
"Maybe", I said to myself, "I'll
have something interesting to take a picture of." I was
thinking along the lines of a (unfortunate) car wreck, or a pretty young
woman showing off her (aaa-hemmm!) tattoos (not likely when it's
38° and foggy). I figured I'd get the 'feel' of it
by just putzing around with it ('film' cost nothing these days), and maybe I'd
come up with something worthy of a Pulitzer (yaaaahh!).
My two dogs were walking ahead
of me off the leash, playing in the snow, and I had my left eyeball
pressed to the viewfinder not that the camera doesn't have a nice
3-inch screen, but the reason I was using the viewfinder is that it has
diopter adjustment that negates the need to wear glasses to see
what you're shooting. The last GOOD SLR camera I had was a
/ ITS with the world's first focal plane shutter. It used
FILM. It didn't have a screen.
'Digital' was a term you heard only in computer rooms and in the
doctor's office just before a prostrate exam. Each picture cost 2 bucks
to develop and print, and if it looked like shit,
S.O.L., pal! You either learned to be a good photographer, or you'd
go broke in the process. Back then, that was incentive enough to learn
what you were studying well. Now you can be a shitty photographer and it
won't cost you anything but the price of the camera. I bought the
Yashica in the
Tan-Son-Nhut PX in Saigon in 1970... and it served me well for many
years. When digital cameras came out, I stopped using the Yashica. In 2004 I lost it
(or somebody stole it if so, hope he's a
real shitty photographer).
I was walking along, when
Behold, I saw something incredible through the viewfinder..... I pulled my face away from the camera, and I couldn't
believe what I was looking at. "This is what I
get for smokin' too much of that shit (Thai Stick)
I thought to myself. But as I rubbed my eyes in disbelief and walked
past the trees there it was... a fuckin' camel standing on an
I-Beam four stories in the air!!!
Now let me put
the skeptics in their place before I proceed. What you see here is
EXACTLY what I shot through the camera lens, and other than a crop-job
so I could fit the photo into the space here Adobe
nothing to do with it.
Now I've been here for several months, and I walk
(or drive) past this place several times a day and never noticed the camel before,
so I figure it must have landed there sometime last night. Now we've had
some pretty wicked storms here the past few days; maybe a twister in
Saudi Arabia picked up this camel and the coconut tree and the Jet
Stream is somehow responsible. Maybe Hosni Mubarak or
Osama bin Forgotten ran out of WMDs, and
are like the French in Monty Python and the Holy Grail
only they don't have cows to put in the catapults; they have camels,
and this is one of them that missed its target. All I know is I didn't
see any evidence of a parachute.
As I gazed in disbelief, I realized that the camel
wasn't moving. "Of course, Asshole!!! Maybe it's a statue",
I thought to myself. But why would someone put a statue of a camel and a
(presumably fake) coconut tree four stories up on a friggin' I-beam?
After a bit of contemplation, I
(metaphorically) put myself in the camel's hooves (or feet, or whatever
you call them) and reasoned,
"If a Desert Storm picked my ass up and flew me
half-way around the planet and set me down gently on a fuckin' I-Beam
four stories in the air, and it was Brass-Monkey-nuts freezing outside, I
wouldn't be dancing around a whole lot either". Simple, Logical.
Then I noticed that the camel wasn't shivering,
either. "Ahh!! maybe he's been up there longer
than I thought, and he froze to death.... yeah... that's gotta' be it.
The fucker hadn't even twitched in 15 minutes he's
I thought about calling the police, but what would I
say? How would the conversation go?
"West Berlin 9-1-1. What's the emergency?"
"Well, you're gonna think I'm nuts, but there's a
camel standing on an I-Beam four stories in the air..."
"A what, sir?"
"A camel... you know... they walk through the
desert for four days and....."
"Then you have t'
Brick 'em.... I
heard that joke. Don't call again or you'll be arrested".
So you see, I couldn't very well call it in to the
police. I left him there to freeze, rot, and be eaten by the migrating